Freezing temps cause weather wimps to rethink their choices

BY EILEEN BRADY
​THE NEWS JOURNAL OF WILMINGTON, OHIO

​My van’s thermometer registered a 5. Nothing else. No zero followed the 5. Just 5.
Some things should never be single-digit numbers: test scores, batting averages and morning temperatures.
A couple Clinton County schools were delayed because of the weather. A couple weren’t. 
It had not even occurred to me to check to see if my daughter’s school were delayed, because A.) The roads were clear of snow and ice, and B.) This is Ohio, not some fraidy-cat Southern state where they cancel schools at the drop of a flake.
But students here do wait for school buses before 7 a.m., so it makes sense that the coldest weather in four years would factor in. I just didn’t think to check for a delay. Five-degree weather must numb my cerebrum.
This week, southwestern Ohio has been nowhere close to being the iciest part of the United States, and we haven’t even been breaking our own record lows. But it has been colder than I, a weather whiner, had ever wanted to experience again in my life. 
The coldest location Monday in the continental United States was Embarrass, Minn., probably named after the people who chose to live in a place where it gets to 36 below zero.

But those Minnesotans are of much hardier stock than I am. Come to think of it, most Floridians are, too. This week people ran 10-kilometer races in International Falls, Minn., a place that proudly claims to be “The Icebox of the Nation.” 

Meanwhile, I have been walking around all week in weather considered balmy by Minnesotans, asking aloud, “WHY would anyone CHOOSE to live where it’s THIS COLD?!” I mainly asked my dogs, who lie sprawled in front of the fireplace, noses to the flames. I say it while wearing long johns underneath my jeans and fleece jacket, along with thick socks, snow boots and a fuzzy hat — and that’s my indoor attire. 
Freezing temperatures and their accompanying precipitation are not just inconvenient, knocking out power in downtown Wilmington or making things uncomfortable for weather wimps like me. They can be deadly. 
A 12-year-old girl from Kings School District was killed Monday amid an 86-vehicle pileup on Interstate 275 in Colerain Township. Four deaths have been blamed on the Midwest cold this week. And animals left outside can succumb to hypothermia just as humans can.
Before we considered retiring back in Wilmington near our relatives, my family and I made a pros/cons list; at the top of the cons was “Ohio weather”; more specifically, “wind-chill factors.”
My husband does love the hot, humid Ohio summers, but he hates the freezing winters as much as I do. My daughter enjoys sledding, but each year she evolves into more of a beach person. I don’t even appreciate the hot, humid summers — nor does my curly hair. And I start to get chilly when the mercury dips below 60 degrees.
 I grew up in Ohio, dreaming of going off to college at the University of Arizona, which just sounded so warm and toasty. My husband grew up in Ohio, dreaming of playing baseball year-round in Arizona. 
Instead, after high school, I ended up at Bowling Green State University, and he ended up in Navy boot camp in Great Lakes, Ill., both flat, frigid places where those three little words, “lake-effect snow,” frequently send shivers up your spine. 
We never did get to live in Arizona, but we have lived in the desert Southwest, coastal Southeast and the place of weather perfection: San Diego, where pretty much every day is 75 and sunny. Of course, San Diego’s median home price is $342,000, and it’s a 35-hour drive from our families, so we are not living there this winter.
Instead, we get to pretend that experiencing the four seasons is some kind of positive benefit. I hear it from people who also choose to live here and other freezing climates, people who make the dubious claim of liking cold weather: “I just love to wear sweaters,” they tell me. Or “Oh, how I enjoy the change of seasons.” 
Sure, I love when it changes from muddy-dog-paw season to frozen-ground season, but neither of those seasons is necessary to begin with. I prefer every-day-is-room-temperature season, where sweaters are donated to Goodwill and goodwill prevails. There’s a reason people are friendly in the South: They’re not trying to smile at someone while snot runs uncontrollably beneath their full-face ski masks.